Stop trying to justify yourself. As I have already said, only you keep yourself in the courtroom to be judged. You are the one playing all the roles of prosecutor, lawyer and defendant and the manipulators exploit that. Leave the courthouse. No-one can detain you. Those who gather to listen will sit there for a while and then go their own way once they realise there is no defendant. With time your case will be closed. This is the only way you can get rid of your guilty feelings.